Here's a bit of a background. I have been in pain for so long I cant even remember what it feels like to feel good. Normal. I have been diagnosed with everything under the sun, with no relief. Depression, lupus, arthritis, gout, hypothyroidism, insomnia, chronic asthma, fibromyalgia, poly cystic ovary syndrome, blood clotting disorder, insulin resistance, intervertebral disc disorder...apparently I have it all. My blood tests are all crazy. My blood doesn't clot, I have inflammation all over my body and I HURT all the time.
I'm turning 34 tomorrow. I'm fat, single and very unhealthy. I don't think I have much to offer anyone, so I put up huge walls. No one wants to get in a relationship with a fat, depressed person who is always in pain. I've wasted the last 6 years of my life being hurt, seeking the cure to my unknown ailments and napping.
Last summer I went on a huge amount of prednisone for a few months. I was finally without pain, but the side effects of steroids aren't exactly what an already fat person wants to add to the mix. Not only did I look like a hairy monster, but I was sinking into a further depression which I still have yet to dig myself out of. What is wrong with me?
I have tried every diet known to man. Restricted calories, no carb, vegetarian, high protein...but I have come to realized that diet is not my problem. My lifestyle is. I have to start living my life. I have to alter my diet into my lifestyle. How do I do this when I am in pain all the time, and never want to face the world? I'm an emotional eater. Carbs make me temporarily feel good. I turn to crackers, bread, and cakes when I am down, and since I am almost always down nowadays, I seem to be eating them a lot. And you know what? My pain has gotten WORSE.
So here I am. Writing and crying, crying and writing. One day away from my birthday and making a vow to change my life. Today is day 1 of my new lifestyle. I will not be doing strenuous exercise, but I am starting the Paleo diet today. Today I will be eating fish, veggies and nuts. I want this pain to end and I am willing to try anything....
